Disclosure: I am afraid to publish anything written these days. It feels vulnerable to put myself out there and to have an opinion. So rather than sharing my opinions on the day’s topics, I wanted to share my humble opinion on people’s emotions.
I have never been overly active on social media and I have spent most of my adult life avoiding the news and politics. But lately with all the upheaval in the world, I have found myself “doom scrolling” watching as people around the planet have become infected by something much scarier than COVD-19. I am watching how fear is unraveling and dividing us. Some of us fear the virus itself and how it will affect our own health and the health of our loved ones. Some of us fear the significant financial impacts of the public health measures. Some of us fear the loss of freedoms, liberties,and the uncertainties. Finally, others fear “all of the above”.
Fear and anxiety have a purpose. They are built into our bodies to protect us from dangers. They signal our brains to activate our body’s stress response or the fight/flight/freeze system. So, what happens to a community of people when they are all simultaneously launched into this stress response? And what happens to that community when this response lingers on for more than 6 months? You won’t have to “doom scroll” very long before you will witness these effects.
It is easy to see the effects of the “fight response” which ranges from social justice protests to violence. Anger is a normal natural response to unfair treatment or injustice. It can be motivating and when expressed appropriately can be a catalyst for change. However, when anger is expressed aggressively it rarely evokes the desired result, which is to be heard. When those who are angry don’t feel heard, they communicate louder.
People are communicating through arsons, shootings, riots, looting, arguments over masks/protocols, and politics. People are looking for someone to blame for their fear. They are using shame and personal attacks on one another as a weapon to lash out and express their fear. Shame is not a social justice tool. It does not evoke empathy and curiosity. It produces more fear, defensiveness, and helplessness.
Keep scrolling, a little further down your Google search, and you will also see what is happening to those who react with either flight or freeze responses. These people are much quieter than the “fighters,” but they too are suffering. In its most extreme, this is presenting itself as suicide, drug overdose, depression, and isolation/victimization. These people are anxious, depressed, alone and grieving. We are hearing that women, and marginalized and racialized communities are the hardest hit by both the virus and by economics. What about our adolescents and Millennials? They are tired of restrictions, desperate for friends and typical rites of passage yet publicly shamed for trying to meet these yearnings. Ten percent of British Columbia’s small business have shuttered for good, since March. Our children are spending up to 90 minutes of their school days washing their hands. Our Baby Boomers are locked down, unable to hug their grandchildren. People are afraid to wear a mask and not to wear a mask, for fear of public backlash.
I don’t want to accept this new normal. Don’t get me wrong, I will keep washing my hands, but I am referring to this contagious virus of division and isolation. I don’t think there is an easy answer, but I do believe there is something that we can do. We can offer one another empathy – the ability to witness, sit with, and connect with someone’s emotion. When anger, fear, sadness, and loneliness are sprinkled with empathy, they diminish. We don’t have to share beliefs or agree with one another, we just need to know our own experiences with anger, fear, sadness, and loneliness. We all need to feel heard, understood and accepted regardless of our views, opinions, beliefs, or politics.
Whether you fall into the fighters, flighters, or freezers you are not alone! We, at Synergy Counselling, are here for you. Empathy is our business.