“I want to be happier” is probably the most common counselling goal we hear as therapists. But how do we define, picture, and even measure happiness? What makes us happy? We thought we’d invite you to spend a few minutes contemplating what happiness means to you and share a couple of views on this very popular, crucially important but often general construct.
Before we start sharing some definitions, let’s see if we can have your full attention! Happiness has been linked with improved immunity to illness, longer life expectancy, higher engagement at work and in relationships, stronger self-esteem and confidence, resiliency, and stable support networks for those who believe to be happy. We leave you to research these statements further, but let’s say this blog is for you, for us, and for everyone who wants to have a long and happy life!
There are many different views on happiness, depending on where you look and who you ask. From ancient philosophers to spiritual guides of many eras around the globe happiness has been referred to as living a life of virtue, embodying compassion and kindness, seeking and finding pleasure, meeting individual goals, or simply holding high spirits. With a broad range of definitions of what it means to seek and find happiness, how can we choose what is available to us to be happier today? To make this more practical for you, we chose to introduce you to the work of Dr. Martin Seligman, often referred to as “the father of positive psychology”. In his book titled, Authentic Happiness (2002), Seligman discusses three “kinds” of happiness:
1. Experiencing pleasure and gratification.
2. Being engaged in life, embodying strengths and virtues.
3. Finding meaning and purpose.
According to Seligman, intentional activities account for 40% of our happiness! The great news is this is within our ability to change, regardless of life circumstances or our genetics, which are not in our control and also reportedly play a role in how happy or positive we tend to feel. Intentional activities and even small mindful changes can have a large impact on our happiness. These choices also include the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours we choose to entertain and engage in. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a research-based therapy technique that can help us to seek and practice positivity, even when we are prone to automatic thought patterns.
Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, adds a different perspective concluding in his viral 2015 Ted Talk that good relationships are connected to happiness and health. This research is referred to as the longest study on happiness ever conducted and it started in 1938 during the Great Depression (which only included men as participants). It illustrates the importance of building community and connections, offering more hope that happiness is something we can seek despite our genes or whatever circumstances we are born in or face in life.
There is so much to learn and explore when it comes to our pursuit of happiness. Here are some short points to consider as you reflect on your routines, relationships, or deeper questions surrounding ‘meaning’ and ‘purpose’ in your life.
What are some of the characteristics and behaviours of people who describe themselves as “happy”? They:
– Can you “live in the moment” and savour life’s everyday pleasures?
– Imagine a hopeful future.
– Cope well with life’s challenges?
– Offer their help to others?
– Devote time to nurturing relationships with family and friends.
– Make a regular commitment to exercising.
– Have a strong sense of purpose and meaning.
As complex as the definition of happiness may be, it seems there are choices we can make today, big or small, that can make a positive difference in how we feel and live.
Consider the following suggestions:
1. Express gratitude
2. Practice optimism
3. Avoiding social comparison (yes, that includes managing social media consumption!)
4. Practice acts of kindness
5. Nurturing relationships in gestures of any size or magnitude
6. Learn to forgive (whatever that means to you)
7. Savour positive experiences and learn to remember them
8. Practice self-care via self-kindness
9. Learn to reach out to social networks for help in meeting goals, or getting through hard times.
10. Take steps to change how you think, so you can change how you feel.
No matter your philosophy of happiness, one thing seems to be clear: to pursue happiness, we need to make it a priority in our lives. Schedule time each day to engage in activities that are proven to boost positive emotions and increase feelings of happiness and well-being. Lastly, remember that much of our happiness is within our control. Rather than waiting to “find happiness”, we may enjoy a happier life by just creating it! At Synergy Counselling, we are here to help you in your intentional journey to pursue a happier and healthier life today, whatever that means to you.